*organizes a meeting w my mind, body, and soul* so what the fuck is going on around here
(via yin-yangeyes)
There’s something intensely unhealthy going on when parents discourage age-appropriate independence. A 13 year old should probably be allowed to go see a film with their friends most of the time. A 16 year old should probably be allowed to drive/ride a bus/bike to a friend’s house most of the time. An 18 year old should probably be allowed to travel overnight with their friends most of the time. A 20+ year old should be allowed to come and go as they please, with some common-sense “Let’s talk this ‘move to Finland’ plan of your over before you follow through on it” exceptions.
Parents should want their children to enjoy going out and doing things on their own and with their friends. They should be delighted that their child wants to have a life of their own. A rich, fulfilling life outside the home and distinct from parents and family is important, and parents should want their child to have that.
A Tumblr post about parents I agree with. Weird. I still don’t like it when Tumblr tells parents how to parent, but this is a good post for once.
It’s not so much about telling them how to parent as it is about telling them not to be abusive and cause trauma that will require years of therapy to undo, but thanks for your addition I guess.
Everything isn’t abuse. People should probably focus more on their own kids and how they parent them “most of the time”. Majority of my friends came from households where their parents didn’t let them do a lot of the “most of the time” stuff but their all stable adults. Sooner or later y'all will realize that a lot of us aren’t in therapy because of our parents.
Maybe… if your parents didn’t so absolutely control you that you were pulled into a toxic codependent relationship with them that, when combined with their other behaviors, led to the development of PTSD and a need for long-term counseling services… this post… isn’t about you. Perhaps, and this is just a thought, but perhaps this post is about people whose lives were so thoroughly micromanaged that it crushed any sense of independence they had and left them incapable of having a “”normal”” adult existence. Maybe if you or anyone else making these pointless, asinine comments on this post had, idk, looked at the notes, at the rest of my blog, at my about page, or bothered to read the second paragraph, all of that would be reasonably clear.
But no. Y’all’d much rather be self-righteous and tell an adult living with PTSD due to a decade and a half of (ongoing) physical, emotional, and verbal abuse how to run his own goddamn blog than to put forth the effort of learning some fucking context. But I mean I don’t know what I expect. This is tumblr, the place where good faith, attention to context, and critical reading go to die.
(via taintedpoundcake)
Person: *angers me*
Me: that is it. the grudge has been formed and i will remember this on my dying day. ill see you in hell
Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.
Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.
Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.
Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.
Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.
I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.
Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.
But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.
I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.
Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.
(via susiethemoderator)
no offense but why am I so bad at forming stable meaningful healthy relationships with people
(via lizcathyx10)
I live for girls realizing their worth, demanding the respect they deserve and cutting off anything that brings negativity into their lives.
(via babajisadhu)
